Self Esteem - Understanding & Fixing Low Self-Esteem

Why Fake News Has Become a Legitimate Crisis

Fake, fake, fake! It’s all fake news! But is it? Much of the world is gripped by a crisis of faith — faith in the news media to tell it like it is. Throw social media into the mix and trying to decide what is fake and what is real has become a nightmare.

The issue of fake news seems to be more of a problem in the U.S. than abroad and that’s partly due to the fact that Americans have become toxically polarized over politics. Sadly, we as a nation have descended into chaos over right vs. left and we obsess and rage over politics, as if that is all that matters. It’s not.

Who starts the fake news and who perpetuates it may never fully be known. We know it exists, but how does the average person decide which story is true and which is not — to complicate matters, some “fake news” is some parts true and some parts fake, so it’s a real mess, isn’t it?

Sources of Fake News

While we may not know all the sources of fake news, we do know some of them:

Foreign agitators are certainly spreading false and inflammatory news because their goal is to create a deep divide within the American public. They know the hot button issues that we wrestle with and they twist the truth and throw in a colossal dose of lies to stir trouble. Despite knowing that this is happening, too many of us still fall for it.

Political ideologues are also guilty of spreading fake news because their goal is just as sinister — they want to destroy the opposing party at all costs. Now of course, the mainstream media is probably not the real problem (though some political ideologues will tell you otherwise, which in-and-of-itself is a serious problem). But, all-in-all, we can feel comfortable knowing the well known news organizations are not spreading fake news, despite accusations to the contrary from both sides of the political spectrum.

Social Media may not be creating fake news, but they’re certainly enabling its rapid and vast dissemination. All someone need do is read a story that resonates with their confirmation bias and no matter how false it may turn out to be, they send it out across the web. Before you know it, millions of people have read it and worse, countless numbers of them will believe it outright.

Trust But Verify

Why are we so quick to believe all news and gossip, despite the fact that so many are outlandish in nature. The claims made and facts stated in these salacious stories are often so absurd, one has to wonder why some people are so eager to believe them? Why aren’t more of us verifying if these stories are even true?

These are some examples of real fake news stories that were actually published and circulated by some questionable sources. They were also sent out across the web by people who falsely believed them to be true:

“Did a Google Exec Admit to Rigging Search Results Against Donald Trump?”

“Is Sheriff Joe Arpaio Taking Over John McCain’s Seat in the Senate?”

“Is California Gov. Jerry Brown Moving a Veterans Cemetery to Make Way for Low-Income Housing?”

“Hillary Clinton is running a child sex ring out of a pizza shop.”

“Democrats want to impose Islamic law in Florida.”

“Thousands of people at a Donald Trump rally in Manhattan chanted, “We hate Muslims, we hate blacks, we want our great country back.”

“Palestinians Recognize Texas as Part of Mexico”

“Illegal Immigrants Started California Wildfires”

“Trump Mocks Trudeau for Celebrating Thanksgiving Six Week Early”

“Merkel calls for German-Led EU army”

Sky News recently published an insight into fake news and I want to share part of that story here:

Fake news: Why people fall for it and how to stop believing it

A thought process developed early in life to protect against anxiety is key to falling for fake news, according to psychologists.

People fall for fake news stories because of thought processes developed as a child to protect against anxiety in an uncertain world, say psychologists.

Psychology can offer people evidence-based strategies to defend against fake news, according to experts at the annual convention of the American Psychological Association.

Keeping an open mind and developing critical thinking skills is the key to overcoming the phenomenon known as “confirmation bias”, which psychologists believe is at the root of the problem.

It is a bias in the way people understand the world in which they tend to seek and accept information which confirms their existing beliefs, while rejecting information that contradicts those beliefs.

This Makes Perfect Sense

So a big part of the problem is “confirmation bias.” People have a pre-conceived notion about things and this becomes ingrained in them and due to thought processes that develop in childhood, they carry that through their life. Very often out of fear and anxiety, they perceive things in a particular way and they seek out and cling to any story or factoid that they think confirms their existing beliefs, even if those existing beliefs are wrong and regardless of how fake that story or factoid is.

When Confirmation Bias Leads to Problems

The problem with “confirmation bias” is that now we all have the ability to consume news on-demand and, spread that news across the globe within seconds. More and more of us are only relying on sources that disseminate “news” that panders to our bias — in other words, people who have the same biases are telling us what we want to hear. Throw in the deep political divide (which they created) and add in foreign and domestic agitators and you have a recipe for disaster — we’re turning on each other and attacking our neighbors and its all down to what is often false news.

Creating Dissension

If you ever read the comments on various stories on different “news” sites, the problem becomes clear: without fail, some fake shill, who probably has 25 usernames and could be sitting behind their computer in Moscow, Beijing, London or even Denver, comes on and makes the most outlandish, provocative comments. Their goal? To create more divide. They’re often liars and they’ll pound out absurd comments on their keyboard, taking great delight when they’re published in the thread, because they know some sucker will fall for them hook, line and sinker. That unsuspecting person will respond to the shill’s comments and before you know it, others pile on and without fail, it devolves into an hysterical name calling match. Don’t Fall for it – these shills are there for a reason and that reason is to lie, twist and cause anxiety and divide.

So How Do We Not Fall for Fake News?

Breaking News Consumer’s Handbook provides this excellent guide on how to be mindful of what may be fake news:

There are excellent tips from the “Breaking News Consumer’s Handbook: Fake News Edition” published on onthemedia.org:

1. Big red flags for fake news: ALL CAPS, or obviously photoshopped pics.
2. A glut of pop-ups and banner ads? Good sign the story is pure clickbait.
3. Check the domain! Fake sites often add “.co” to trusted brands to steal their luster. (Think “abcnews.com.co”)
4. If you land on an unknown site, check its “About” page. Then Google it with the word “fake” and see what comes up.
5. If a story offers links, follow them. (Garbage leads to worse garbage.) No links, quotes, or references? Another telltale sign.
6. Verify an unlikely story by finding a reputable outlet reporting the same thing.
7. Check the date. Social media often resurrects outdated stories.
8. Read past headlines. Often they bear no resemblance to what lies beneath.
9. Photos may be misidentified and dated. Use a reverse image search engine like TinEye to see where an image really comes from.
10. Gut check. If a story makes you angry, it’s probably designed that way.
11. Finally, if you’re not sure it’s true, don’t share it! Don’t. Share. It.

I also want to add that we need to check our bias. Are we believing a story, no matter how outlandish it is, simply because it backs up a pre-conceived notion we have — even false ones?

This list is just one effective approach. In the “new media” world we live in, we need to be vigilant that what we’re being told is as true and accurate as possible. And, because of Twitter, Facebook and email, you are now a “reporter” of information, both good and bad — that ability comes with a great deal of responsibility.

Ultimately, it’s up to each one of us to scrutinize the information we absorb and share. There are a lot of malicious people out there and they take delight in creating and spreading fake news — this is also true for comments we read in a discussion thread, as these negative people seek to spread lies, create anxiety and ultimately, to divide the people. Don’t let them.

When our personal bias leads us to only believe things, no matter how ridiculous, that bolster our preconceived notion, we’re only harming ourselves. However, when we spread that fake news to others, we’re spreading negativity, anxiety and dishonesty.

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45 Valuable Life Lessons to Always Remember

So often in life, we feel like we’ve gotten on the wrong path or that something is missing from our life. When that happens, sometimes all we need is a reminder of what really matters in life. Here are some pearls of wisdom that will do just that.

I discovered this insightful piece entitled “45 life lessons,” written by Regina Brett. Her advice is valuable, because she gives us gentle reminders that help to keep us focused and grounded on our personal path in life. Enjoy!

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short not to enjoy it.

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.

5. Don’t buy stuff you don’t need.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for things that matter.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye… But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful.  Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It’s never too late to be happy.  But it’s all up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words, ‘In five years, will this matter?’

27. Always choose Life.

28. Forgive but don’t forget.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give Time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d
grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have, not what you think you need.

42. The best is yet to come…

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

Powerful words of wisdom — there’s something there for everyone. Which one(s) are your favorite?

With So Many Friends, Why Are People Lonely?

How could a person with over 1,000 “friends” of Facebook ever be lonely?  I mean with all those “friends,” surely one’s life would be full and productive, right? Increasingly, the answer to that question is no and alarmingly, people are actually becoming more isolated than ever.

We used to spend time with friends — quality time in which we created and shared memories together. We laughed, cried, talked and balked but we did it together. Today, that living, in-person relationship is disappearing, replaced by comments, likes, group messages and texts. Where once we engaged socially and talked face-to-face, we now let our words be carried for us across cyberspace, falsely believing that we’re having a relationship with that person. We’re not. Relationships are meant to be dynamic, fulfilling and real. We’re not meant to experience the most important aspects of our life through cyberspace — we’re meant to share them, warts-an-all, with live people in real time and that means being in the moment and fully present.

“We’re becoming unsocial.”

The video “Look Up” by Gary Turk is a poignant reminder of how relationships are supposed to be — how they once were and, with focus, can be once again. Watch this video and ask yourself if your life is more fulfilled and joyful because of social media, or less. To quote Gary: “We’re at our most happy with an experience we share, but is it the same if no one is there?”

“Don’t let yourself by hypnotized by technology. Be in the moment and experience the wonder of direction connections. “ – Gary Turk

Direct, real connections are absolutely vital to our well-being. We should all be striving to once again truly “connect” with people and not let a lifeless group message or text pass itself off for a real relationship.  You may have several hundred Facebook “friends,” but would they drop everything to see you? So go ahead and click “like” when your friend posts pictures of her vacation, but then pick up the phone and call that friend and say “lets have lunch tomorrow…I want to hear all about your vacation!”

Gary Turk sums it up nicely when he says: “I don’t want you to stop using social media or smartphones. It’s about finding a balance. It’s about making sure you are awake, alive and living life in the moment; instead of living your life through a screen.”

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5 Ways to Stop Negative Thoughts and be Happier

When something is bothering us, trying to get that negative thought out of our head is a lot easier said than done. In an ironic twist, when we intentionally try to stop that negative thought, it sometimes makes the negative thought pattern even worse.

Rehashing negative thoughts over and over is called rumination

Rumination is one of the similarities between anxiety and depression. Ruminating is simply repetitively going over a thought or a problem without completion. When people are depressed, the themes of rumination are typically about being inadequate or worthless. The repetition and the feelings of inadequacy raise anxiety and anxiety interferes with solving the problem. Then depression deepens. – Psychology Today

If left unresolved, rumination can cause a great deal of anxiety. Of course, sometimes going over different scenarios/outcomes can be a positive thing, because we’re trying to get control over the unknown and make ourselves feel better. However, if we just can’t let that bad thought go, it can be quite detrimental to our mental and physical health.

“It’s like a needle in a groove. As the groove gets deeper and deeper, the needle has a harder time getting out of the groove.” What’s more, rumination can actually make you more angry or upset than you were originally, because the issue becomes magnified in your mind.” – Guy Winch, Ph.D., psychologist and author of Emotional First Aid: Practical Strategies for Treating Failure, Rejection, Guilt and Other Everyday Psychological Injuries.

“Never cut a tree down in the wintertime. Never make a negative decision in the low time. Never make your most important decisions when you are in your worst moods. Wait. Be patient. The storm will pass. The spring will come.” – Robert H. Schuller

Fortunately, there are a some techniques that can help you stop dwelling on the negative thoughts and focus your mind back on the positive. Yes, it does take focus and effort, but it’s better than getting mired down in negativity, right?

1.  Tackle it and challenge it

Sometimes we feel a negative thought creeping in and rather than addressing it right away, we let it stew for a while. Then, when we least expect it, it bubble to the surface and “surprises” us, catching us off guard. The best way to handle it may be to confront it with purpose and figure out why you’re feeling this way.  Is the fear warranted or are you blowing it out of proportion? Write the negative thought down with pen and paper and look at it. Then, write down why it concerns you. Then look at that list of concerns. Then, write down the pros and cons and potential outcomes. Then look at those. The act of writing it out can often help to put things into proper perspective and it gives us a chance to get control over wandering negativity. Rather than letting it bounce around in our mind, getting it out into the light of day can be very beneficial.

2.  Distract yourself

A lot of times, negative thinking takes hold when we’re bored or feeling isolated. Find ways to distract yourself from the negative thoughts. This could be de-cluttering your home, reading a good book, going to the movies, hanging out with friends, painting a picture — something constructive that keeps your mind focused on other things can give you the breathing space to tackle the negative thought properly.

Read more on: The Displacement Theory

3.  Have a go-to support network

Having positive people who will support us is vital. Who is your support network? Who in your family and circle of friends can you count on to be there for you? Spend time with the positive people and they too will help you focus, analyze and distract.

4.  Don’t expect perfection

Life is complicated. No one has a perfect life, despite what you may believe. Accept that life is at times complicated and that nothing is ever perfect. Some negative thoughts stem from our desire to control everything and the reality is, sometimes we just can’t.

5.  Consider professional help

There is never any shame in getting the guidance of a qualified professional. Often, talking to a Therapist, family doctor or clergy person can help us get it all out in the open and their perspective can be refreshingly helpful in resolving the negative thought(s).

“The key to happiness – or that even more desired thing, calmness – lies not in always thinking happy thoughts. No. That is impossible. No mind on earth with any kind of intelligence could spend a lifetime enjoying only happy thoughts. They key is in accepting your thoughts, all of them, even the bad ones. Accept thoughts, but don’t become them.

Understand, for instance, that having a sad thought, even having a continual succession of sad thoughts, is not the same as being a sad person.”  ― Matt Haig